[insert smiling poop emoticon]
So, I was in the car today and saw someone with the license plate “X0DUS3 5”, so I thought it was like Exodus 3:5 and I looked it up, and do you know what it said?
"Do not come any closer"
im going to name my kid pregnant so they can be like “hi im pregnant” and everyone will stand there all mortified
what if when you killed someone you gained their best trait
#you think you’re killing someone for their brain and you get their nose instead #you think you’re killing someone for their strength and you get their baking skills instead #you think you’re killing someone for their cunning and you get their ability to parallel park
write a goddam book
*constantly checks refrigerator hoping food magically appears*